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Have you ever been in a relationship where you didn’t ever fight with the other person? Even once? It could be your parents, siblings, best friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse. James 4:1 reads, what causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something, but you don’t get it. We get aggravated because we don’t get what we want.

Don’t Open The Door For The Enemy

There are many things we need to communicate about that are important to us. When we fight, it opens the door for the enemy to come in, and then we end up divorced over nothing.

Figure Out Why You’re Fighting

My wife recently started a new approach to defusing our fights. We can fight over dumb stuff, and she’ll grab me, look me in the eye and say, “I think you’re aggravated right now, and if I am the reason, I need to know why, so I can stop doing whatever is causing that for you. Because right now all I want to do is hug you and everything be ok.” (In that situation, I wasn’t aggravated I was just being passionate, but we worked it out by talking through it.) Before you get married, you need to talk about stuff. You won’t discover crazy in a month.

Be Encouraged

In relationships, we fight, but as the Bible says, it’s because we don’t get what we want. We need to focus less on the fight and more on why we are fighting. The problem is usually not the fight itself. We need to communicate and defuse situations. Every kingdom and every house that’s divided amongst itself will not stand (Matthew 12:25). We MUST NOT BE divided, and we do that by not always having to have it our way. Lord help us to be aware of what is happening when a fight occurs in one of our relationships and teach us the humility of defusing the situation. Amen!

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David Crank

Author David Crank

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